F*** THAT!!!

Okay, I said that I was not going to blog anymore until next week, but in the words of one of my favorite people, F*** THAT!!!

So today is all about me. I'm going to rant and rave, and if you don't like it, then F*** YOU too!!! and get the heck off of my page! (please note the disclaimer in my description of this blog above)

Yesterday at work, I was ready to tear the damn club up! So we had a bid that was due on today. My portion was completed, I was just waiting on another butthole to get me his section, so that I could finalize. He finally got it to me yesterday morning, only for me to discover that it wasn't complete. He left shit out, he didn't do some shit...I was livid. So here I am, trying to do this bastard's job so that the bid is submitted correctly, but it's no where near my job description!! I was so pissed, I said F*** THAT, and I told those bastards 'I quit' and left the damn premises! Of course, having scared my friend to death with that statement, I didn't really quit...I just left and went to Popeyes to get me some damn chicken.

So I'm in line at Popeye's, and I have the bright idea that since they were putting me through all this trouble, I would use my company credit card and have lunch on them. So I order up some shit, $10 worth of shit to be exact (and for an individual meal, that's a lot!). Get to the window and whip out my Amex, and the little bastard asked me if I had a Visa or a Mastercard. WHAT!!?? You got to be kidding me!! So I look in my wallet, and of course my never-carry-cash-ass only had a whopping $4!!! Stop laughing, this shit was NOT funny!! So what do I do!!?? I say F*** THAT, and do the only thing I can...order two 1.49 chicken wraps and take my behind back to work!!

I get back, finish doing someone else's job, and then take a moment to do a Whitney exhale. NOPE, too soon. They come back and say that I need to have the damn bid bound. I told THEM that the day before when I realized that it was too big. Anyway, so I tell them that they're gonna have to take it because I couldn't be late picking up my kids. Made up some cocka-maimey excuse about the floors at the daycare being stripped. Guess they didn't believe me, cuz they handed that crap to me and told me to get going. F*** THAT!! Do they know who I am?? I'm Lady damn Queen, I don't have to put up with this shit, I said while driving down the road to the copy center.

So I get there, and the damn girl is taking all day to get to me. Apparently, she was messing up someone's order, so I knew this was gonna be a problem. I call back to the job and tell them, "F*** THAT, ya'll gone have to pick this shit up on your own, I'm out!!" Okay, maybe I really said, "Mr. So-and-So, they are running behind in the copy center and I need to pick up my children, so would it be alright if I left this and you picked it up?" Yeah, sounds a little bit more like what I really said. With that, I took my tail home, poured a stiff drink, and watched some completely legal brand new feature films on the net...

Where am I going with all this? First, let me tell you about today. I get to work, and lo and damn behold that same bid that I got rid of yesterday is sitting on my desk. Apparently the idiot at the copy center screwed it up (how? no idea when all she had to do was punch and bind), and they wanted me to put it back together again. At this point, I'm broken and I just do it. I get on the computer, thinking I'd go read something to make me laugh, and I end up reading some shit that threw me for a figure eight, not a loop, a damn figure eight! You know what?? F*** THAT!! I'm done!!

So for all the people that I spend way too much time being nice too...F*** THAT!!!
For all the times I wanted to punch a negro in the mouth and didn't...F*** THAT!!!
For all the times I wanted to teach a white dude the true meaning of racial violence, and didn't... F*** THAT!!!
For trying to make other people happy all the time...F*** THAT!!!

From now on, I'm gonna do me, and I could care less who can't handle it. Cry, write, slit your wrists, take some pills, I don't give a damn! Work it out!

I'm gonna do what I want, LOVE who I want, Be who I want, Act how I want, Take what I want, and Live how I want!!

F***ING F*** THAT!!!!!

This blog is brought to you by every soul in America who is plain tired of the bull, and ready to take action. You don't have to be a victim...F*** THAT!!!

---Paid for by the FT&IT Commission

Hallelujah and Barack Obama?????

I was driving back from a day full of meetings this afternoon, and I had my radio tuned in to a popular Detroit station. I typically don't listen to the radio, but my itouch was in my purse and I didn't feel like risking death to get it. Anyway, one of our prominent hosts was giving away free tickets to see Will Downing. When the winner made an exclamation of joy, the host said, "Hallelujah and Barack Obama".

Okay, this one pissed me the hell off. Are we likening him to Christ now?? I sure as hell hope not. He is not God, or anywhere near it. He is not a messiah. Of all the things we've got to worry about, let's not go through this one!!!

Good grief Charlie Brown...

The Dawn of Awakening

If you're like me, you have been up all night. I'll never forget the moment it became clear to me that our history is forever changed. I awoke to my phone ringing around 11:00 p.m., and answered it only to hear a voice screaming, "GET UP, IT'S OVER!! 297!! WAKE UP DAMMIT!!"

I couln't believe it. Apparently the electoral vote number shot from 220 to 297 in the blink of an eye. I was stunned. I was overwhelmed. I was overjoyed. My eyes were seeing it, but my brain couldn't process it. We had just elected Barack Hussein Obama as President of the United States.

I woke my children up. I called my grandmother. I called my parents. I talked to the man I love. Everyone was up in arms. All of my phones were ringing incessantly. Shouts of praise resonanted throughout the country. Prayers of thanks rose throughout the nation. It is indeed a marvelous day.

Now let's switch gears slightly. People, once this day is over, the work begins. Once this day is over, the truth overflows. Once this day is over, the negativity will reign 100-fold. Once this day is over, the seeds of doubt will be thrown on the earth. Once this day is over...

Standing for Obama does not mean that we will always agree with him. Standing for Obama does not mean that he owes us anything. Standing for Obama does not mean we should expect anything more than anyone else.

Standing for Obama means standing for CHANGE. And to effect change, you have to ruffle some feathers. To effect change you have to make the tough decisions. To effect change, you have to piss off the masses. Please take a note from the way President Obama ran his campaign. He did not make all of the popular choices. He did not succumb to the pressures around him. He did not conform to popular beliefs. He will run the White House in the same fashion. And we will have to stand for him no matter what.

Please Negroes, don't start with the '40 acres and a mule'. Please Negroes, don't start with the 'paint the White House black'. Please Negroes, don't start with the inter-office and inter-relational beefs. Please Negroes, don't start being cocky and ignorant. But as a fellow blogger stated, work on your individual self. Work on becoming a better you, so that President Obama can be proud. Work on ways that YOU can effect change in your surroundings. If all of us make that effort, then the President's job will be that much easier.

So bask in the glory of this moment. Shout to the mountain tops and sing to the hills. Teach your children the true meaning of this victory. Take today and enjoy it, you deserve it. But tomorrow...

PUT YOUR COMBAT BOOTS ON AND GET READY TO FIGHT!!!!!!!

KEEP CELEBRATING, AND START PRAYING...

2 Chronicles 7:14
If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

I called my 80 year old grandmother who was born in 1928 when I found out Obama had made history. The scripture above was all she said...

On The Eve of Awakening

We stand today in the midst of the most paramount place in history ever experienced by any being in this lifetime. Besides the birth, death, and resurrection of Christ, I cannot think of a more profound moment in time. I cast my vote with pride this morning, with my head held high, and my heart full of joy.

As I sit here with tears streaming down my eyes, I had no idea that I would be moved this much. I had no idea that I would think about my ancestors who were made slaves, and never even dreamed of this moment. I had no idea that I would think about Dr. King and his movement that marched for this moment. I had no idea that I would think about Malcolm X and the way he fought for this moment. I had no idea that I would think about freedom riders all over the nation that died for this moment. I had no idea that I would think about my children, who may not fully understand, but will live based upon this moment. I had no idea that I would think about my grandmother who had possibly lost hope in the realization of this moment, but who is still alive to be a part of this moment.

I am humbled. I am broken. But not broken in the traditional sense of the word. I am broken of the pessimistic views that I, and so many of us have lived by. I am broken of the feeling that the 'black man' has been, and will always be held down on the basis of his color. I am broken of the negativity that has flowed from my lips in recent months that said 'They'll never let him have it'. I am broken of the acute sense of fear that has clouded my joy, and caused me to discount the magnificence of this moment.

I am not naive, however. I realize that he may not win. I realize that there may be mass disappointment on tomorrow, and in the days ahead. I realize that although we've given a stand-up effort, and though we've prayed earth shattering prayers, God is in control, and His word is law. And sometimes His word doesn't fit our time table. And I am also cognizant of the fact that we have never been closer to anything even remotely resembling the profound truth of this situation.

But Dr. King said "I have been to the mountaintop", and folks, this is a mountaintop experience. This is an out-of-body sensation. This is the dawn of a new day. This is the eve of awakening...

And no matter what happens tomorrow, we stood tall. No matter what happens, we brought the fiyah! No matter what happens, we have seen the future. We have seen the possiblilities. It is not a cliche anymore for us to tell our kids that they can be President of the United States of America. That they can do ANYTHING they want to do. They can see the reality of their wildest dreams.

I am HUMBLED, and AWARE, and ALIVE and AWAKENED!!

I am an American Woman with skin of color, with roots that tie to Africa, and I just cast my vote for an AMERICAN MAN with skin of color, with roots that tie to Africa, that I believe in, for PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, which contraty to popular belief, HAS ROOTS THAT TIE TO AFRICA!!!!

MAY GOD BLESS OBAMA, KEEP HIM SAFE THIS DAY, AND ALL OTHERS. THANK YOU FOR ALLOWING US THE REALIZATION OF A DREAM, LORD, AND STRENGTHEN US TO UNDERSTAND IT, AND HANDLE IT ACCORDINGLY. AMEN.

LIVE IN THIS MOMENT BLACK PEOPLE, YOU DESERVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Signs

I hope that people are taking heed to what's going on in the world today. The senseless tragedy involving the Hudson family; the plots to assassinate Senator Obama; the recent shootings at the college; the economic condition of our nation; the senseless war in Iraq; the families that have fallen apart due to infidelity, domestic violence, divorce, murder, sexual abuse...

I could on and on...and that's sad. We are living in the last days, and I pray that people have enough sense to see it. God is no longer playing, he never was. We better be making an effort to get it right, and quickly. Dead beat dads, cheating husbands, unfaithful wives, disobedient children, adulterers, sexual deviants, atheists...everybody!

If you're getting married, you better ask your mate,'do you love God more than me?'
If you're getting divorced, you better ask God, 'is this your will?'
If you're unsure, you better pray for faith and release from doubt
If you're searching, you'd better hurry up and find

Follow the signs...

The Plight of a Mother

I have a 2 1/2 year old son and a 7 year old daughter. My daughter is my love, but my son is my joy. I look at his face, and its impossible not to smile. Now please, don't get it twisted...I adore my daughter. She's brilliant and beautiful, and my first born. My son, however, is the coveted boy. My little man. And yet its hard for me to look at him without tears in my eyes.

Why? Because I am tormented by visions of his future. A future where he bucks the system because he didn't have a father. A future where he finds answers in friends because he didn't have a man to ask questions of. A future where my heart breaks because he doesn't live up to the potential that God poured into him at birth.

I don't say this because I have no hope, or because I believe that all black men fall victim to their circumstances. I say this because I know that as a mother, no matter how much I love my son, no matter what I teach him, I CANNOT TEACH HIM HOW TO BE A MAN. I can only teach him what type of man NOT to be. His father is a joke. Refuses to pay child support, generally only pops up about every 90-120 days, and even then, his reasons are not genuine. No job, still out there trying to street hustle, and way too worried about being flyy to care about the condition of his children. My son can learn nothing from this man.

I try to turn to the men in my congregation, my frat brothers, or my really good male friends, but at the end of the day, everyone has a life of their own that they need to worry about. It's no offense against me, I know, but it doesn't provide me with a solution to my problem. So what do I do? How do I raise this prince to become a King? How do foster in him the skills needed to survive in this world? How do I instill in him the morals and values needed to be the master of his fate? "Out of the night that covers me, black as a pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul..." How do I make him see the Invictus of his future?

I don't have that answer, and it scares me to death. I've seen my 2 younger brothers fall by the wayside because they didn't have the proper direction. I've seen the little boys in the neighborhood run to what was familiar because no one took the time to show them something different. I've seen drugs, and violence, and despair turn good, honest boys into feared and hardened criminals. I don't want that for my son. I don't want him to grow up bitter, or with a void. I don't want to lose him...

And my daughter? Oh God, I don't want her to grow up looking for a daddy in every man she dated like I did. I don't want her to fall for every guy that even remotely shows her some attention. I don't want her to believe that the way to happiness is through a man. But I can only teach her so much. I don't know how to give her the answers that I'm still learning myself. I made that mistake. I searched for a daddy in every man. I needed a man to feel validated, even if he was the wrong man (and he always was). I'm learning now, but look how long it took me to get here. I don't want that for my baby. I want better for her. I want better for him.

Somebody please tell me what I need to do...

Birth Patterns

Take a moment and consider your birth pattern. What was going on when you were born? What were the circumstances of your birth? How have those circumstances shaped who you are today? Never really thought about it? Well I have...

My mother was a 15 year old daughter of the pastor and the evangelist. My father was the 17 year old son of a lesbian and wife beater. Suffice it to say, my maternal grandparents were none to happy. It was told that my grandmother lifted my mom up by her neck when she told her she was pregnant...I would have had the same reaction.

Long story short, I was not born into a warm, peaceful, or fuzzy environment. As a result, my life hasn't been warm, peaceful, or fuzzy either. Raised by my grandmother, I have always felt left behind. I've been molested, raped, physically abused, domestically abused... and most of that before I reached double digits. I am now divorced, with 2 children, and trying to figure out what the hell happened.

I'll tell you what happened. I spent countless cycles caught up in my birth pattern. Subconsciously, its all that I know. Hurt, Anger, Despair, Distress, Confusion, Violence, Rejection, Alcoholism, Sex, Drugs...its stamped in my DNA. If you think about it, it makes perfect sense. I sought after what was most familiar to me. And now I spend the majority of my time trying to erase those patterns, trying to break the chains that have bound me since BEFORE I took my first breath. Trying to prove the theories and ideologies wrong. And I tell, you, I haven't done a good job.

I wanted so badly to create the family life that I never had. I wanted the picket fence and the shuttered windows. I ended up with an iron gate and broken glass. But there is hope. It is my new mission in life to correct this pattern for my children. They have started out wrong, but I believe I can turn it around for them. I believe I can create a new pattern, and emerse them in it. I believe that although I may not be able to correct the birth pattern that they swam in, I can re-direct the flow of the water.

It's hard being single, and a mother, and the sole provider. It's hard being smart, and opinionated and independent. It's even harder knowing that you need something more, but not knowing what it is exactly or where to begin the search...but I do know that I rode in on a boat with a hole in it, and I've spent my entire life trying to plug the hole.

Wow...